I had planned on going back to work today, but I was in no condition to return and took the day to gather my thoughts and get a lot of work done. It was a very good and necessary day.
All in all, I spent more than two hours speaking with three different newspapers about our experience. I'm starting to forget what things I've told to different people. I had to ask if I was repeating myself a number of times. It was tiring, but good to talk through and I'm excited to bring attention to Faith Orphanage and give people a way to help.
I've also come to terms, for the time being, with how I'm choosing to feel. Julie is really struggling with all this and having a hard time knowing how to feel and what to do. This is what I've concluded: I'm here. I'm not there. As much as I'd like to be, I'm not. I have to be ok with that. Julie and the kids are my number one priority. If you think about it, the whole thing is miraculous as far as our situation is concerned. We got back safely and the kids are all safe and Chris is there to help and keep us updated. Amazing. So, we're going to press on with our lives, thankful we have each other, while grieving and doing all we can to help our friends in Haiti.
The situation will be changing day after day, hour after hour, so this process is going to take quite some time to work through. But, I believe good people are hard at work and that our prayers are powerful and effective.
My daughter is requesting that I play the role of "Daddy kitty" now, so I'm going to go enjoy being with her and Sam and Claire. Now is a time for playing before bed. Much needed.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Shock and Awe
First of all, thank you. Thank you to everyone that has called, emailed, chatted, etc. to make sure I'm ok. Thank you for praying for my safety. I can't begin to express the full extent of my gratitude.
I just wanted to take a couple minutes to let you know what's going on. My mind is still swimming and it will take some time to process all of this, I'm sure. Thankfully, I have an amazing wife that has ridden this roller-coaster of emotion with me.
As you know by now, yesterday evening Haiti was hit by a 7.0 earthquake and has since experienced over 30 aftershocks, many of them reaching 5.0. Most of the capitol city of Port au Prince has been destroyed. My first thought was that 100s of thousands of people are dead. We'll see if that ends up being the case. The loss of life will be staggering.
We got to Jacmel on Jan 2nd and while there, we worked with Faith Orphanage. We had a great time with all 32 kids and were able to build ¾ of a new protective wall out of bricks and mortar. We left around 5:30pm on Jan 11th. Less than 24 hours later, the quake hit.
So far we have been able to confirm that our friend Chris (who stayed there and will be there for the next year) is ok and he was able to get to the orphanage yesterday. Thankfully, all 32 kids are safe and unhurt. The building itself and the wall we built have collapsed. They are currently sleeping outside and there is no gas or power available at this time.
We're not exactly sure what's next. It's incredibly frustrating. They will have to rebuild, but how that will actually happen is unknown at this time.
I must say, it has been exciting to see the global response to this disaster. The people of Haiti are going to get a lot of needed help from everywhere. To see President Obama call the Haitians “our neighbors” and tell them we are going to help swiftly and aggressively...I cried. I've cried a lot the last couple days. And will for many more, I'm sure.
What's really difficult right now is...feeling selfish. I'm so grateful to be home safely with my wife and family. But, I feel guilty for feeling that way. Like, I feel useless not being able to be there. And it's weird to be so connected to it, while those around me are not. I don't blame them and I'm not mad at them at all, it's just an odd feeling. I was sitting there at the hotel in Chicago watching the TV in the bar and crying, while the guys next to me were calling Lane Kiffin a d*** for leaving Tennessee to go to USC. I wasn't mad, just...it's just strange.
And seeing all the footage on TV is surreal. And disturbing. I just drove through Port on Monday. We went right past the Presidential Palace. It was gorgeous. Stately. Solid. And now...it's decimated. The buildings were all already in a state of disrepair, so all I could see in my mind was devastation. And then to see what was in my mind there on the screen, in real life...it's too much.
I came back with a lot of questions about Haiti as a nation and that curiosity has only been heightened. Haiti holds a special place in my heart now and always will.
Hopefully you got a sense of how I'm feeling and what's going on. I wrote over 50 pages in my journal and will post things regularly over the coming weeks. Thank you for being interested.
Please think about how you can get involved in the relief efforts. There are so many different ways to donate, but I want to encourage you to go to www.thejourneycommunity.com and donate there as all that money will go directly to the orphanage we were just at.
Pray, love, cry...not necessarily in that order,
Ryan
I just wanted to take a couple minutes to let you know what's going on. My mind is still swimming and it will take some time to process all of this, I'm sure. Thankfully, I have an amazing wife that has ridden this roller-coaster of emotion with me.
As you know by now, yesterday evening Haiti was hit by a 7.0 earthquake and has since experienced over 30 aftershocks, many of them reaching 5.0. Most of the capitol city of Port au Prince has been destroyed. My first thought was that 100s of thousands of people are dead. We'll see if that ends up being the case. The loss of life will be staggering.
We got to Jacmel on Jan 2nd and while there, we worked with Faith Orphanage. We had a great time with all 32 kids and were able to build ¾ of a new protective wall out of bricks and mortar. We left around 5:30pm on Jan 11th. Less than 24 hours later, the quake hit.
So far we have been able to confirm that our friend Chris (who stayed there and will be there for the next year) is ok and he was able to get to the orphanage yesterday. Thankfully, all 32 kids are safe and unhurt. The building itself and the wall we built have collapsed. They are currently sleeping outside and there is no gas or power available at this time.
We're not exactly sure what's next. It's incredibly frustrating. They will have to rebuild, but how that will actually happen is unknown at this time.
I must say, it has been exciting to see the global response to this disaster. The people of Haiti are going to get a lot of needed help from everywhere. To see President Obama call the Haitians “our neighbors” and tell them we are going to help swiftly and aggressively...I cried. I've cried a lot the last couple days. And will for many more, I'm sure.
What's really difficult right now is...feeling selfish. I'm so grateful to be home safely with my wife and family. But, I feel guilty for feeling that way. Like, I feel useless not being able to be there. And it's weird to be so connected to it, while those around me are not. I don't blame them and I'm not mad at them at all, it's just an odd feeling. I was sitting there at the hotel in Chicago watching the TV in the bar and crying, while the guys next to me were calling Lane Kiffin a d*** for leaving Tennessee to go to USC. I wasn't mad, just...it's just strange.
And seeing all the footage on TV is surreal. And disturbing. I just drove through Port on Monday. We went right past the Presidential Palace. It was gorgeous. Stately. Solid. And now...it's decimated. The buildings were all already in a state of disrepair, so all I could see in my mind was devastation. And then to see what was in my mind there on the screen, in real life...it's too much.
I came back with a lot of questions about Haiti as a nation and that curiosity has only been heightened. Haiti holds a special place in my heart now and always will.
Hopefully you got a sense of how I'm feeling and what's going on. I wrote over 50 pages in my journal and will post things regularly over the coming weeks. Thank you for being interested.
Please think about how you can get involved in the relief efforts. There are so many different ways to donate, but I want to encourage you to go to www.thejourneycommunity.com and donate there as all that money will go directly to the orphanage we were just at.
Pray, love, cry...not necessarily in that order,
Ryan
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
It's Almost Time
T-minus two days to lift-off.
It's been a crazy couple of weeks. So many thoughts have gone through my head and I didn't take the time to write them out. But, ya know what? I think that's probably for the better. What I mean by that is that a lot of it had to do with worry. Worrying about safety, about how I'll handle being away from my family for the longest I've ever been away from them, about getting everything in order before I go, about having misguided expectations, etc.
Today, though, I'm getting stinkin' excited. I've started to get all my clothes together. I got all my snacks tonight and some new underwear. The essentials.
Not to get all deep or anything, but...a couple weeks ago Julie and I had a great conversation that has shaped my thoughts about this trip. Before our talk, I had been reading a missions field guide and it said, “You will be the answer to someone's prayer.” I was really down on myself at the time and just felt like, “Yeah, right. Not me. There's no reason God should let that happen.” The truth is, I'm a selfish person. I hate that, but it's true. I don't want to be. Even when I'm down on myself I'm being selfish! It's all about me. Gosh...I'm a little wary of sharing this, but I think it's important. Julie pointed out that I was living in my own little bubble. Everything, bad or good, revolved around me. I needed to break out of that. See the amazing people around me and appreciate them. And believe me, I did even before we had that conversation, but I wasn't intentional about telling them so.
With that in mind, I'm still expecting this trip to be life-changing, but not just so I can blog about it. I'm going to serve. I'm going to be the answer to somebody's prayer. Not because I'm awesome or worth it, but because God has placed me where I am for a reason. I'm humbled by that. And honored.
And I'm honored that you're interested in my life. Thank you for being an answer to my prayers.
It's been a crazy couple of weeks. So many thoughts have gone through my head and I didn't take the time to write them out. But, ya know what? I think that's probably for the better. What I mean by that is that a lot of it had to do with worry. Worrying about safety, about how I'll handle being away from my family for the longest I've ever been away from them, about getting everything in order before I go, about having misguided expectations, etc.
Today, though, I'm getting stinkin' excited. I've started to get all my clothes together. I got all my snacks tonight and some new underwear. The essentials.
Not to get all deep or anything, but...a couple weeks ago Julie and I had a great conversation that has shaped my thoughts about this trip. Before our talk, I had been reading a missions field guide and it said, “You will be the answer to someone's prayer.” I was really down on myself at the time and just felt like, “Yeah, right. Not me. There's no reason God should let that happen.” The truth is, I'm a selfish person. I hate that, but it's true. I don't want to be. Even when I'm down on myself I'm being selfish! It's all about me. Gosh...I'm a little wary of sharing this, but I think it's important. Julie pointed out that I was living in my own little bubble. Everything, bad or good, revolved around me. I needed to break out of that. See the amazing people around me and appreciate them. And believe me, I did even before we had that conversation, but I wasn't intentional about telling them so.
With that in mind, I'm still expecting this trip to be life-changing, but not just so I can blog about it. I'm going to serve. I'm going to be the answer to somebody's prayer. Not because I'm awesome or worth it, but because God has placed me where I am for a reason. I'm humbled by that. And honored.
And I'm honored that you're interested in my life. Thank you for being an answer to my prayers.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Happy Coincidence
Two weeks from tomorrow we leave for Haiti. Craziness. I feel ready, yet, I don't.
The past few days have been a little strange. I feel weird writing about it. Hesitant. Let me explain...
It's the “just in case” that's weirding me out. I'm only leaving for twelve days, but anything could happen, ya know? So, I've been getting things ready for Julie, as far as our finances and bills and that kind of thing go. I'm the one with all the usernames and passwords. I'm the one who knows what our bills are and when and how we pay them. I have a system where, when I get our bills (and essentially any other sort of correspondence), I put them in a box. Sometimes more than one box. But then, at some point, I combine those boxes. It's all very technical. That said, it's a system I wouldn't expect Julie to be able to comprehend. Therefore, I bought a filing cabinet and started to fill it with our important documents. So they're in one spot, ya know? Car titles, birth certificates, sewer bills, two years worth of earnings statements, receipts for the dryer and auto repairs, my certificate from Youth Specialties...you know, the important stuff. I emptied one box into folders successfully and then piled the rest in the top drawer. I'll have to come back to it.
What's weird is that I should have done this stuff already. I mean, anything can happen at any time; not just when you're going to Haiti. So, it's good, this organizing and sharing of information.
But then, another wrinkle. The other night Julie and I had an amazing talk. Well, it ended up as a talk, though it didn't start that way. Essentially, she reminded me to get outside of myself. “Stop staring at yourself in the mirror and break through that stupid thing! See the amazing people around you!” she suggested. Suggested. Right. And she was right. I overthink everything. I'm stuck in my own head, drowning in my own sorrows and worries much of the time. Usually unnecessarily.
So, I've been taking time to write notes to my friends when I think of them. Just to tell them how amazing I think they are and how my life is better because they're in it. To encourage them, because they deserve it. Everyone deserves that.
Which leads to the tinge of weirdness I'm feeling. If this were a movie, it would all be too predictable. I get my affairs in order and then all these notes become a happy, yet eerie, coincidence after my earthly demise. Somehow I die and everyone has a sweet note to remember me by and my wife and kids know how to pay the cable bill.
Now, the reality is that I should have organized all our financial stuff a long time ago and this just gave me the motivation to get serious about it. And the notes? My intention is solely to bring a smile to those who have made my life better. Nothing else.
In the meantime, I'm going to keep getting my stuff in order. And I'm going to keep writing notes to my friends. And I'm going to keep getting excited about the trip. Two weeks...amazing.
Anybody have a mosquito net I can borrow? Trip supplies are next...
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Santa Lives There!
This morning I endured my first round of shots for the trip. Two in each shoulder. Hep A, Hep B, Typhoid and a good ol' flu vaccine. Besides feeling exhausted, I haven't really noticed any side-effects. Besides sore arms. Give it time, I suppose.
It still hasn't hit me that we're leaving ONE MONTH from today. Stunning. I don't really feel ready at all, but I don't feel not ready, either...if that makes any sense. Like, I haven't consciously prepared for the trip as much as I will in the coming weeks, but I'm not worried about that. I'm sure I'll have more feelings as we get closer, but right now things are fine. Fine...yeah.
The other day I showed Sam where Haiti is on his globe. It was really fun. He couldn't believe how far away it was. He toted that globe around all day, too. In fact, when he got in the bath he made sure not to get his hands wet so he could look at it while in the tub. Then he called to me from the other room. "DAD! I FOUND SANTA!" I went in and he pointed to the globe and said, "Look! You're going where Santa lives!" His little finger was pointing at Santa Dominga in the D.R. Adorable.
I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to be away from those little guys for almost two weeks.
Oh, financially I'm doing well for the trip. I plan on updating my fundraising spreadsheet tonight and will post an update soon. There's still time to donate if you'd like! Let me know.
End update.
It still hasn't hit me that we're leaving ONE MONTH from today. Stunning. I don't really feel ready at all, but I don't feel not ready, either...if that makes any sense. Like, I haven't consciously prepared for the trip as much as I will in the coming weeks, but I'm not worried about that. I'm sure I'll have more feelings as we get closer, but right now things are fine. Fine...yeah.
The other day I showed Sam where Haiti is on his globe. It was really fun. He couldn't believe how far away it was. He toted that globe around all day, too. In fact, when he got in the bath he made sure not to get his hands wet so he could look at it while in the tub. Then he called to me from the other room. "DAD! I FOUND SANTA!" I went in and he pointed to the globe and said, "Look! You're going where Santa lives!" His little finger was pointing at Santa Dominga in the D.R. Adorable.
I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to be away from those little guys for almost two weeks.
Oh, financially I'm doing well for the trip. I plan on updating my fundraising spreadsheet tonight and will post an update soon. There's still time to donate if you'd like! Let me know.
End update.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Travel Clinic
Today I went to the travel clinic to learn about all of the health related issues I'll face when I go to Haiti. Instead, it turned into an hour of a lady telling me about all the ways I'll die when I'm there.
Ok, so it wasn't that bad, but close.
She told me all about malaria and dengue fever and other diseases transmitted by mosquitos. She told me to stay away from dogs because they all have rabies and if they bite or scratch me, basically, I'll die. She told me not to swim in anything but the ocean and not to drink any water (but beer is ok, so that's cool). She told me not to eat any salad or lettuce, even if it's a leaf on a sandwich. She told me I'll probably get bad diarrhea, but that she'll prescribe some pills for it. She told me about the three shots I'll need.
Then she said, with all sincerity, "So, are you excited for your trip?" "I was!" I replied. "Now it sounds like I better live it up while I'm there because apparently I'm not coming back alive!"
Seriously, I'm glad I went and that I'll be immunized against disease and prepared if I get the runs, but it's also pretty nerve-wracking. Especially for somebody that is naturally paranoid, like myself.
But then, I'm sure there are a TON of people who just go and never think twice about that stuff. I kind of envy them. Ignorance is bliss.
Until you get a mosquito bite and die of dengue fever.
(Gosh, I wanted to end it there, but it's too pessimistic. Really, truly, I'm glad I went today and I feel way more prepared now, health-wise. Thanks, doctor!)
Ok, so it wasn't that bad, but close.
She told me all about malaria and dengue fever and other diseases transmitted by mosquitos. She told me to stay away from dogs because they all have rabies and if they bite or scratch me, basically, I'll die. She told me not to swim in anything but the ocean and not to drink any water (but beer is ok, so that's cool). She told me not to eat any salad or lettuce, even if it's a leaf on a sandwich. She told me I'll probably get bad diarrhea, but that she'll prescribe some pills for it. She told me about the three shots I'll need.
Then she said, with all sincerity, "So, are you excited for your trip?" "I was!" I replied. "Now it sounds like I better live it up while I'm there because apparently I'm not coming back alive!"
Seriously, I'm glad I went and that I'll be immunized against disease and prepared if I get the runs, but it's also pretty nerve-wracking. Especially for somebody that is naturally paranoid, like myself.
But then, I'm sure there are a TON of people who just go and never think twice about that stuff. I kind of envy them. Ignorance is bliss.
Until you get a mosquito bite and die of dengue fever.
(Gosh, I wanted to end it there, but it's too pessimistic. Really, truly, I'm glad I went today and I feel way more prepared now, health-wise. Thanks, doctor!)
Monday, November 16, 2009
November Thoughts
It's been over a month? Yikes. Time to get some thoughts out.
Less than two months and I'll be in Haiti. Amazing. It still doesn't seem real, though. I wonder when I'll start getting nervous? Probably when we start having meetings and stuff. Right now it all still seems theoretical. Except for raising funds, which has been going well (but I still have a ways to go, if you'd like to help!).
I told Steve the other day that one of my concerns is being treated like I know what I'm doing. I mean, I'm a pastor, but I've never been on a foreign mission trip. I'm a newbie! And, not to sound demanding, but I want to be treated like one. Treat me just like anybody else who has never been to the slums of a poor country. Tell me what to expect. Help me understand what I'm getting myself into and how awesome it's going to be. And how difficult and rewarding it's going to be. And I'm not saying Steve or Mandy are doing anything wrong at all (really, not much has happened yet), but I just want to experience this as a first-timer and not a vet. I hope that makes sense.
Thursday I'm going to the travel clinic to learn about any shots I need to get and about all the health related stuff I need to know. I'm looking forward to it, except for the shots. I think I'm just going to say I only want what I absolutely have to get. Which might be nothing and I'm good with that. That will make things more real, I think.
Another thing I've been thinking about a little is...how will they react to my arm? Different cultures have different ways of viewing/dealing with that, so I wonder how the Haitians will react. Specifically, I wonder how the kids will react. Will they recoil? Or will they still play with me? I'm very, very rarely self-conscious about my arm, but in this case it's a concern. I'm not sure why. Maybe I don't want to feel like an outcast. To feel rejected. Wow...rejected by orphans...that would be something. So, I don't want to make it a big deal or anything, but it's something I'm thinking about.
Honestly, I really feel like I need to be praying more about this trip, too. It could really be life-changing and I don't want to miss that. And, let's face it, there's risk involved. There's some danger. I need to be praying for safety, for my family to be well and safe without me, for opportunities to grow...a million things, really.
It's a very exciting time in my life and, like Aerosmith said, "I don't wanna miss a thi-ing."
Less than two months and I'll be in Haiti. Amazing. It still doesn't seem real, though. I wonder when I'll start getting nervous? Probably when we start having meetings and stuff. Right now it all still seems theoretical. Except for raising funds, which has been going well (but I still have a ways to go, if you'd like to help!).
I told Steve the other day that one of my concerns is being treated like I know what I'm doing. I mean, I'm a pastor, but I've never been on a foreign mission trip. I'm a newbie! And, not to sound demanding, but I want to be treated like one. Treat me just like anybody else who has never been to the slums of a poor country. Tell me what to expect. Help me understand what I'm getting myself into and how awesome it's going to be. And how difficult and rewarding it's going to be. And I'm not saying Steve or Mandy are doing anything wrong at all (really, not much has happened yet), but I just want to experience this as a first-timer and not a vet. I hope that makes sense.
Thursday I'm going to the travel clinic to learn about any shots I need to get and about all the health related stuff I need to know. I'm looking forward to it, except for the shots. I think I'm just going to say I only want what I absolutely have to get. Which might be nothing and I'm good with that. That will make things more real, I think.
Another thing I've been thinking about a little is...how will they react to my arm? Different cultures have different ways of viewing/dealing with that, so I wonder how the Haitians will react. Specifically, I wonder how the kids will react. Will they recoil? Or will they still play with me? I'm very, very rarely self-conscious about my arm, but in this case it's a concern. I'm not sure why. Maybe I don't want to feel like an outcast. To feel rejected. Wow...rejected by orphans...that would be something. So, I don't want to make it a big deal or anything, but it's something I'm thinking about.
Honestly, I really feel like I need to be praying more about this trip, too. It could really be life-changing and I don't want to miss that. And, let's face it, there's risk involved. There's some danger. I need to be praying for safety, for my family to be well and safe without me, for opportunities to grow...a million things, really.
It's a very exciting time in my life and, like Aerosmith said, "I don't wanna miss a thi-ing."
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