Home

The next couple of days are hard to describe. But, I'll try.

We left Port around 5:30pm on Monday evening and got into Miami, then went to our hotel and crashed. Well, first we marveled at the fact that we were going to sleep in a room where we didn't have to worry about mosquitoes. And we all took a hot shower. And we ordered some pizza and lasagna. It wasn't very good, but it was food.

We got up really early the next morning and headed to the airport to fly to Chicago. Just before we were about to board a lady came on the PA system to announce, "Boarding will be slightly delayed as the plane is currently without power. Once power is restored, boarding will begin. Thank you." Awesome. You could hear that uncomfortable laugh make its way through the crowd. Nonetheless, power was restored and we all filed on. The flight was uneventful for the most part. Except that my friend Mark was watching the in-flight movie, "Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs," and laughing super loud. The lady in front of him kept looking back, clearly irritated. After we landed and were taxiing to the gate, I told Mark how funny it was to watch him laugh so hard at that movie. "SHE didn't think it was funny," he said as he pointed at said lady. Genius.

We all said our good-byes at O'Hare and the rest of the team left, while I stayed behind waiting for Julie to come get me. She found a team of people to watch the kids until Wednesday night, so we planned on having an incredible couple days in Chicago, just the two of us.

Now, I'm not making this next part up. While I was sitting there waiting for Julie, a lady came on the PA system and said, "Last call to board Flight 356, the doors are closing. George Bush, please report to flight 356 to Houston, the doors are closing." It couldn't have been...right? I mean, it seems natural, but...it couldn't have been. I'm kind of expecting to see my reaction on some sort of hidden camera show.

Julie finally arrived and it was amazing. She was beautiful. She got a haircut and was all dressed up...and her smile. Seriously, her smile made my heart sing. It felt so good to hold her, just to be near her. To smell her and to kiss her...so good.

Then we made our way to her sister Paula's house. On the way I decided to tell Julie about the ring situation. I couldn't keep it inside any longer. Plus, I was banking on her extreme happiness to lessen the blow. "Oh, it's ok! I'm just glad YOU'RE here!" I imagined she'd say. Instead, she cried. "That's not how I wanted it to go," I muttered. "How did you THINK I'd react?" she asked. Then I told her my theory. Not great. After a little while and some more discussion, we were able to move past it and agreed to enjoy our time together.

We ended up eating some amazing deep-dish pizza with Paula.
Then she took us to our hotel. She and her boyfriend hooked us up with a room on the 26th floor of the Sheraton overlooking Navy Pier. Amazing. Eventually we decided to venture out into the cold and get something to eat. That's when things got difficult.

As Julie was finishing up her shower and getting ready, I turned on the TV and was flipping through the HD channels when I saw a breaking news alert. It said there was a 7.0 magnitude earthquake in Haiti. Haiti? The Haiti I just left? It couldn't be. For a couple minutes I just sat there in unbelief. Literally. I thought maybe it was a movie. Or a history channel special. When it started to register, I called Julie out. I had no idea what to do.

I called Steve, my pastor, to make sure our friend Chris who stayed there was ok. He said he hadn't heard from Chris yet, but would keep me updated. I cried and we prayed, but there wasn't a whole lot else we could do. So, I made us go to dinner. We were in Chicago together, alone, and we needed to enjoy each other. We did our best to enjoy ourselves at dinner (P.J. Clarke's), although I was on the phone with Steve a couple times.

When we got back to the hotel, we had a drink at the bar and just talked for a while. It was so weird. Trying to enjoy each other, feeling helpless and sad about Haiti, feeling guilty about being glad I was home, feeling guilty about wanting to be there...it was just too much. I called my dad and cried a lot. I didn't expect to, but he said all the right things. As we said good-bye, he said, "I love you, Ryan." I said I loved him, too, hung up the phone and burst into tears. Right there in the hotel corridor. It felt so good, though.

The next day we did our best to figure out how to feel. I went to Starbucks early to write and just spend some time by myself. And later we decided to use the pool, except I forgot to bring my suit. I was ready to let Julie go by herself and then thought, "Forget it. I'm going, too." I ended up swimming in my boxer-briefs. And it was awesome. We had an amazing time together. Best discussion time we've had since...since I can remember.


















Then we had lunch at a little diner on the way back to Paula's, which was amazing. I went in longing for French toast, but also wanting a sandwich. What would I pick? BOTH. I had a Monte Cristo, which is a turkey sandwich made with French toast. Unbelievable.

We made it back to Paula's house, said our good-byes, and headed for home. Julie drove. I was exhausted. Mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically...exhausted. On the way, Steve called and asked if we'd be back by 4:30pm because the news was coming to do a piece on our group. Unfortunately, we didn't make it. We got there right as they were wrapping up. To see the team again, for the first time since news of the quake...it was emotional. I also saw pictures of the destruction to our orphanage for the first time. Tears flowed.

Finally, at around 6pm, we got back on the road to get home home. My first time walking through my front door in two weeks. I opened it and stepped inside as my Anna zoomed around the corner and yelled, "DADDY!" and jumped into my arms.

It was good to be home. Understatement of the year.

Day 11 (Jan 11th, 2010)

Last day in Haiti. Got up pretty early and saw the sunrise. The Madison group was up and by the pool, which was fun.



We packed up and headed out to the orphanage around 9:30am. It was a little less emotional than I thought it'd be. More chaotic. I held Jehmley for a while and gave him some dried fruit and two Clif bars. I tried to hand out my leftover fruit to the other kids...again, mass chaos. It was like a school of piranhas.

(Ok, so it was somewhat emotional...I forgot)


It was good to get on the road, though. The ride through the mountains was more comfortable and less terrifying this time. I think he went slower. Or I was just super tired. Or both. The ride through Port was jarring this time. And filled with exhaust. Sickening. But, we got to the airport safely. We've been here an hour already and don't board for another hour. Boo. We leave at 5:30pm. Can't wait for a shower.
***
Besides one more comment I'm keeping to myself (Mark and Christy, I'll tell you), that was the last thing I wrote in Haiti. "Can't wait for a shower." It would be the last thing I'd write until after learning about the earthquake. In the coming days I'll recount what happened after we got back, including an emotional trip in Chicago and then back home and my return to work.

Thinking back on the drive through Port that last day got me very emotional. It was one of the first things that went through my mind when I learned of the quake. All those people. Masses of them, all walking around that city. A city that is run down and filthy and dangerous and...home to so many. The buildings couldn't have withstood the power of that quake, I thought. Remembering how bone-rattling the drive was because the "roads" were so bad and how sick I was feeling with my shirt over my face, trying to filter some clean air through. The exhaust was so thick you could taste it.

I didn't write much in the following days, journal-wise, so I'm looking forward to recounting what happened. Mostly.

$10 Billion? Whoa.

Yesterday's entry brought up a lot of interesting feelings. It was definitely the busiest day of the trip and after reading what I wrote, I remembered it well. I'm really glad I videotaped the ride to the orphanage. It's crazy to see everything. For instance, at 1:39 of the video you see the Total station on the left. Here it is now:


































And then going to Cyvadier, which was probably the nicest place in Jacmel. It was three stories, right on the beach. Just gorgeous. And it was destroyed:



























So, as I read about and remembered all the fun thing we did that day, it reminded me of the destruction that followed. Sucks.

I've been thinking lately about the rebuilding of Haiti, too. Like, how it's actually going to work. I'm just so curious about the future. What will it look like in 5 years? 10? I know a ton of money has been given and lots of people are going to help, but I just can't imagine the actual process of getting it done. Even just at its base, where are all the materials going to come from? And are the prices going to be outrageous? What about tools and machinery? It's not that I think they won't rebuild, I'm just interested in how it's actually going to happen. And I'm looking forward to being a part of it.

Also, I read that the Gates' gave $10 billion for world vaccinations. That's awesome, but it seemed like odd timing to me. "Aww, you raised $54 million for Haiti? That's adorable!" I mean...TEN BILLION DOLLARS. Like, why not give 1 billion to Haiti? It's just such a crazy number. Again, it's awesome, just seemed a little strangely timed.

Anyway, this week will include the conclusion of our trip and then our return and learning about the quake and reaction to it. I'm simultaneously looking forward to it...and not. Should at least be interesting. Thanks for reading!

Day 10 (Jan 10th, 2010)

We're at church. I'm sitting in front writing this. Basically, people come and put in their requests to come up and sing a special song. Sort of karaoke. None of them are very good and for some reason that's really surprising me. Off key all the time. Every time someone gets up I expect them to blow me away. A diamond in the rough. But no, it's a processional of Idol rejects. And then the keyboardist tries to join in, badly.

The thing is, they love it. They are passionate. They love God. As bad as I might think they are at singing, they are singing for him with all they are. Plus, who am I? Why am I a judge?

...
I videotaped the ride to the orphanage today. Vintage. Except I fell hard going up the last hill, right on Ruth. I felt terrible. It'll be interesting to go back and watch it in a month. (Or a week, it turns out)


Also, my sunburn feels fine today. I had Christy slather me with aloe three times since yesterday and drank lots of water. All of that helped, I'm sure. Now I'll be real sexy tan for Julie. Nice.

Well, it's 11:55am and we're still in church. Since 9am. I just got back from taking my first dump at the orphanage. I had to use my white undershirt to wipe. I suppose it was relatively painless, given the situation. Hopefully it was just a normal poop and I'm not sick.
...
(A haiku about mosquitoes)

I will not miss you
Glad I live where you cannot
Suck on that, suckers
...
After church, we made the trek up to Bassin Bleu. What a journey. We took two trucks and my truck's driver was terrible. We stalled out multiple times and had to walk long sections of it. Granted, these sections were basically straight up. Once we got there, it was amazing.




We had to hike to it and at the end we had to climb up these steep, wet rock stairs and then down the side with a rope. A height-hater's dream, right? The waterfall wasn't huge, but the water was cold and fresh. It felt so good to jump in. It was basically a little lagoon surrounded by steep rock walls, dotted with trees. You could climb up three or four levels of the waterfall and jump off. I did the first one, which, for a guy that is afraid of heights and bodies of water, is pretty good. Steve, of course, jumped off the top. Multiple times. So did Nick and the Wausau guys.


The drive back was less eventful as it was mostly downhill. What a great experience. Upon our arrival at the hotel, we changed and headed to Cyvadier for our last dinner in Haiti together.
...
Dinner was fantastic. The place was really classy and the food was delicious. I had fish fillet with a mustard sauce and spinach and some fries and rice.

The Packer game was on and they were down 21 at one point, came all the way back, then lost on a Rodgers fumble in OT. Heartbreaking end to a great game. His first playoff game, though. He'll have many more.

We shared around the table about our experience here and then said an encouraging word about the person on our left. Of course, Chris was mine. I broke down. I sobbed. I didn't realize how much I'm going to miss him. What an amazing guy. I really am going to pray for him every day.

I'm curious to see how long it will take me to process this trip. And how it will all shake out. How it will affect my life. I'm excited to find out.
...
(Tomorrow I'm going to write about my response to today's journal entry. It brought up a lot of interesting feelings.)

Day 9 (Jan 9th, 2010)

Most of the guys went to work on the wall this morning. I stayed back and sent a box of Clif bars with them as my contribution. I feel a little bad, but I don't have a connection with that wall like they do. I'm not a ton of help. So, I stayed and finished "Introverts." It was really good. Got a little long, but still good.

In a little while we go to the beach with the kids for the last time. Inevitably, I'll look for my ring again. Although, I'm looking forward to the new one. I want to get a thicker, heavier silver band from Terry's.

I'll tell you what I will not miss: Mosquitoes.

They make life miserable. Constant paranoia. Good riddance, suckers. (As I was writing this, one of them was buzzing around me and I swatted at it with my notebook.)
...
We left for the beach around 11am, I think, and got there in time to swim a while before the kids arrived. It was really wavy today. Even now it's super windy. The waves actually made it really difficult to play with the kids. But, they still had a good time.

I only put sunblock on my face and neck today, because I was wearing my shirt when I applied it. Genius. So, now I'm burned to a crisp. What sucks is that, when I go home, nobody will even know. Stupid cold weather, making me wear sweaters.

Kangine was cute. She's always so shy. After a while today she came in the water and said, "Hello, Pastor Ryan." Adorable.

Right now, there's a guy walking his goats on leashes on the beach. Nice.
...
On the way home from the beach, Mandy asked if I had had any freakout moments on the trip. "Not because of Haiti," I said. Steve said it's the most relaxed/laid-back he's ever seen me. I agree. His mom was super surprised to learn that I'm a worry-wort. I really do hope to take this attitude back with me.

I give my little talk at the crusade tonight. I'm excited. I hope it translates well!
...
I'm currently sitting stage-side for one of the most painful experiences of my life. (Dramatic much? Sheesh) Two girls are screaming their way through a song, terrible musicians playing and feedback going in and out, the mic sometimes working and sometimes not, and a competing crusade literally 200 feet away. They are blaring recorded music. There's barely anybody here. I'm supposed to speak at some point. I'm sure I'll see the good in this in retrospect. Right?

This whole thing is an introvert's nightmare. A noisy assault on the ears. I can't hear myself think. The sound system is so loud, everything is distorted. And the other crusade just turned up their music. And everything is in Kreyol, so it's just noise to me. No meaning. I'm trying to stay sane.
...
(In retrospect...I was really selfish that night. It WAS painful, to be sure, but it wasn't about me. I wasn't understanding in any way. They were doing their best to worship God. They were passionate and I was annoyed. It definitely was NOT the most painful experience of my life. It was something I'll always remember.)

Day 8 (Jan 8th, 2010)

Got up, didn't shower, eggs for breakfast, left for the orphanage, stayed 'til 3, now we're home.

The end.

Steve and Chris went to Port today for a meeting and will be back tomorrow. I miss them.

(The rest of today's entry was highly personal. Not for-the-whole-world material. Essentially, I was dealing with some spiritual stuff and some other struggles. Things I was working through on my own. Thanks for understanding.)

Day 7 (Jan 7th, 2010)

This morning I woke up a little before 7am and went for a very short run on the beach in my Gomer shirt (www.twogomers.com). Now I can officially say I ran in Jacmel. Mark took a couple pictures of me. "The best three pictures of your life," he said.


Just now some guys from the U.N. dropped by. Five of them in their fatigues. I think they were asking about the size of the crowd at the crusade. They seemed fine with the answer. (I wonder if these guys survived the quake - 1/25/10)

After my run, we ate breakfast (eggs, duh) and then Mark and Christy, Kelly, Ruth and I went to the market. It was fun, but totally not my thing. People everywhere, wall to wall. I did get some sandals, though. I tried to find some jewelry, but didn't see any I liked. We also went to a little art shop next to our hotel and I got some maracas and a cool little sculpture for me and Julie.

The orphanage has been normal today, for the most part. Jehmley was crying again. I shoved a piece of gum in his mouth, which seemed to help. It muffled his crying, at least. (This sounds terrible, but it was actually really funny. He loves gum.)

Steve was sick this morning and lying on the bed at the orphanage. Kaylene was so sad, crying by his side. One of the cutest things I've ever seen.


Her sister, Kaylin, cut off my sleeves for me today. For such a little turd, she can be quite the sweetie.



The other big thing was that I gave my TOMS shoes to Senglay (www.tomsshoes.com). I was SO happy they fit. Initially, I was really concerned about getting pictures of myself in them all over Haiti. But, that's not the point. The reason I brought them was to give them away. That was always the point. So, even taking a picture with him in them felt weird, but I do want to remember it. It was great to see him playing soccer in them and smiling. Totally worth it.

...
Everybody is at the crusade right now, except me and Steve. He's sick and I stayed back to "take care of him." I only got a little crap for it from Chris and Mark.

Honestly, I was sad watching them leave. Part of me is glad I didn't go, but the other part feels bad. I hate missing it. I hate missing the kids. I think Kangine thinks I'm coming. "Peetuh," she said earlier, meaning "later." So, I'll take advantage of the time to read, write and make sure Steve's ok.

Also, I'm a little more than halfway through "Introverts in the Church." I love it. Very encouraging. There are things that aren't quite me, but for the most part, it's spot on. I'm looking forward to reviewing it. (http://haackreviewsbooks.blogspot.com/2010/01/introverts-in-church-by-adam-s-mchugh.html)