Yesterday's entry brought up a lot of interesting feelings. It was definitely the busiest day of the trip and after reading what I wrote, I remembered it well. I'm really glad I videotaped the ride to the orphanage. It's crazy to see everything. For instance, at 1:39 of the video you see the Total station on the left. Here it is now:
And then going to Cyvadier, which was probably the nicest place in Jacmel. It was three stories, right on the beach. Just gorgeous. And it was destroyed:
So, as I read about and remembered all the fun thing we did that day, it reminded me of the destruction that followed. Sucks.
I've been thinking lately about the rebuilding of Haiti, too. Like, how it's actually going to work. I'm just so curious about the future. What will it look like in 5 years? 10? I know a ton of money has been given and lots of people are going to help, but I just can't imagine the actual process of getting it done. Even just at its base, where are all the materials going to come from? And are the prices going to be outrageous? What about tools and machinery? It's not that I think they won't rebuild, I'm just interested in how it's actually going to happen. And I'm looking forward to being a part of it.
Also, I read that the Gates' gave $10 billion for world vaccinations. That's awesome, but it seemed like odd timing to me. "Aww, you raised $54 million for Haiti? That's adorable!" I mean...TEN BILLION DOLLARS. Like, why not give 1 billion to Haiti? It's just such a crazy number. Again, it's awesome, just seemed a little strangely timed.
Anyway, this week will include the conclusion of our trip and then our return and learning about the quake and reaction to it. I'm simultaneously looking forward to it...and not. Should at least be interesting. Thanks for reading!
We're at church. I'm sitting in front writing this. Basically, people come and put in their requests to come up and sing a special song. Sort of karaoke. None of them are very good and for some reason that's really surprising me. Off key all the time. Every time someone gets up I expect them to blow me away. A diamond in the rough. But no, it's a processional of Idol rejects. And then the keyboardist tries to join in, badly.
The thing is, they love it. They are passionate. They love God. As bad as I might think they are at singing, they are singing for him with all they are. Plus, who am I? Why am I a judge?
... I videotaped the ride to the orphanage today. Vintage. Except I fell hard going up the last hill, right on Ruth. I felt terrible. It'll be interesting to go back and watch it in a month. (Or a week, it turns out)
Also, my sunburn feels fine today. I had Christy slather me with aloe three times since yesterday and drank lots of water. All of that helped, I'm sure. Now I'll be real sexy tan for Julie. Nice.
Well, it's 11:55am and we're still in church. Since 9am. I just got back from taking my first dump at the orphanage. I had to use my white undershirt to wipe. I suppose it was relatively painless, given the situation. Hopefully it was just a normal poop and I'm not sick. ... (A haiku about mosquitoes)
I will not miss you Glad I live where you cannot Suck on that, suckers ... After church, we made the trek up to Bassin Bleu. What a journey. We took two trucks and my truck's driver was terrible. We stalled out multiple times and had to walk long sections of it. Granted, these sections were basically straight up. Once we got there, it was amazing.
We had to hike to it and at the end we had to climb up these steep, wet rock stairs and then down the side with a rope. A height-hater's dream, right? The waterfall wasn't huge, but the water was cold and fresh. It felt so good to jump in. It was basically a little lagoon surrounded by steep rock walls, dotted with trees. You could climb up three or four levels of the waterfall and jump off. I did the first one, which, for a guy that is afraid of heights and bodies of water, is pretty good. Steve, of course, jumped off the top. Multiple times. So did Nick and the Wausau guys.
The drive back was less eventful as it was mostly downhill. What a great experience. Upon our arrival at the hotel, we changed and headed to Cyvadier for our last dinner in Haiti together. ... Dinner was fantastic. The place was really classy and the food was delicious. I had fish fillet with a mustard sauce and spinach and some fries and rice. The Packer game was on and they were down 21 at one point, came all the way back, then lost on a Rodgers fumble in OT. Heartbreaking end to a great game. His first playoff game, though. He'll have many more.
We shared around the table about our experience here and then said an encouraging word about the person on our left. Of course, Chris was mine. I broke down. I sobbed. I didn't realize how much I'm going to miss him. What an amazing guy. I really am going to pray for him every day.
I'm curious to see how long it will take me to process this trip. And how it will all shake out. How it will affect my life. I'm excited to find out. ... (Tomorrow I'm going to write about my response to today's journal entry. It brought up a lot of interesting feelings.)
Most of the guys went to work on the wall this morning. I stayed back and sent a box of Clif bars with them as my contribution. I feel a little bad, but I don't have a connection with that wall like they do. I'm not a ton of help. So, I stayed and finished "Introverts." It was really good. Got a little long, but still good.
In a little while we go to the beach with the kids for the last time. Inevitably, I'll look for my ring again. Although, I'm looking forward to the new one. I want to get a thicker, heavier silver band from Terry's.
I'll tell you what I will not miss: Mosquitoes.
They make life miserable. Constant paranoia. Good riddance, suckers. (As I was writing this, one of them was buzzing around me and I swatted at it with my notebook.) ... We left for the beach around 11am, I think, and got there in time to swim a while before the kids arrived. It was really wavy today. Even now it's super windy. The waves actually made it really difficult to play with the kids. But, they still had a good time.
I only put sunblock on my face and neck today, because I was wearing my shirt when I applied it. Genius. So, now I'm burned to a crisp. What sucks is that, when I go home, nobody will even know. Stupid cold weather, making me wear sweaters.
Kangine was cute. She's always so shy. After a while today she came in the water and said, "Hello, Pastor Ryan." Adorable.
Right now, there's a guy walking his goats on leashes on the beach. Nice. ... On the way home from the beach, Mandy asked if I had had any freakout moments on the trip. "Not because of Haiti," I said. Steve said it's the most relaxed/laid-back he's ever seen me. I agree. His mom was super surprised to learn that I'm a worry-wort. I really do hope to take this attitude back with me.
I give my little talk at the crusade tonight. I'm excited. I hope it translates well! ... I'm currently sitting stage-side for one of the most painful experiences of my life. (Dramatic much? Sheesh) Two girls are screaming their way through a song, terrible musicians playing and feedback going in and out, the mic sometimes working and sometimes not, and a competing crusade literally 200 feet away. They are blaring recorded music. There's barely anybody here. I'm supposed to speak at some point. I'm sure I'll see the good in this in retrospect. Right?
This whole thing is an introvert's nightmare. A noisy assault on the ears. I can't hear myself think. The sound system is so loud, everything is distorted. And the other crusade just turned up their music. And everything is in Kreyol, so it's just noise to me. No meaning. I'm trying to stay sane. ... (In retrospect...I was really selfish that night. It WAS painful, to be sure, but it wasn't about me. I wasn't understanding in any way. They were doing their best to worship God. They were passionate and I was annoyed. It definitely was NOT the most painful experience of my life. It was something I'll always remember.)
Got up, didn't shower, eggs for breakfast, left for the orphanage, stayed 'til 3, now we're home.
The end.
Steve and Chris went to Port today for a meeting and will be back tomorrow. I miss them.
(The rest of today's entry was highly personal. Not for-the-whole-world material. Essentially, I was dealing with some spiritual stuff and some other struggles. Things I was working through on my own. Thanks for understanding.)
This morning I woke up a little before 7am and went for a very short run on the beach in my Gomer shirt (www.twogomers.com). Now I can officially say I ran in Jacmel. Mark took a couple pictures of me. "The best three pictures of your life," he said.
Just now some guys from the U.N. dropped by. Five of them in their fatigues. I think they were asking about the size of the crowd at the crusade. They seemed fine with the answer. (I wonder if these guys survived the quake - 1/25/10)
After my run, we ate breakfast (eggs, duh) and then Mark and Christy, Kelly, Ruth and I went to the market. It was fun, but totally not my thing. People everywhere, wall to wall. I did get some sandals, though. I tried to find some jewelry, but didn't see any I liked. We also went to a little art shop next to our hotel and I got some maracas and a cool little sculpture for me and Julie.
The orphanage has been normal today, for the most part. Jehmley was crying again. I shoved a piece of gum in his mouth, which seemed to help. It muffled his crying, at least. (This sounds terrible, but it was actually really funny. He loves gum.)
Steve was sick this morning and lying on the bed at the orphanage. Kaylene was so sad, crying by his side. One of the cutest things I've ever seen.
Her sister, Kaylin, cut off my sleeves for me today. For such a little turd, she can be quite the sweetie.
The other big thing was that I gave my TOMS shoes to Senglay (www.tomsshoes.com). I was SO happy they fit. Initially, I was really concerned about getting pictures of myself in them all over Haiti. But, that's not the point. The reason I brought them was to give them away. That was always the point. So, even taking a picture with him in them felt weird, but I do want to remember it. It was great to see him playing soccer in them and smiling. Totally worth it. ... Everybody is at the crusade right now, except me and Steve. He's sick and I stayed back to "take care of him." I only got a little crap for it from Chris and Mark.
Honestly, I was sad watching them leave. Part of me is glad I didn't go, but the other part feels bad. I hate missing it. I hate missing the kids. I think Kangine thinks I'm coming. "Peetuh," she said earlier, meaning "later." So, I'll take advantage of the time to read, write and make sure Steve's ok.
Also, I'm a little more than halfway through "Introverts in the Church." I love it. Very encouraging. There are things that aren't quite me, but for the most part, it's spot on. I'm looking forward to reviewing it. (http://haackreviewsbooks.blogspot.com/2010/01/introverts-in-church-by-adam-s-mchugh.html)
This is mainly for my wife, but I thought I'd let you know, too, reader (that's a lotta commas), that there's a lot in my journal that I'm not posting. There were experiences and feelings that I had and struggled through that are best kept in the privacy of my little black book. And honestly, while they're interesting to me, I'm sure they wouldn't be to anyone else. Thanks for understanding.
On the way home from church at Nego and Ellen's, we saw a beautiful wedding taking place and a truckload of boy scouts. It was great.
Service at Nego's was great. A small building they must rent that's right next to a loud restaurant. It's actually more of a youth group, which is really cool. There were probably 50 people there. Steve introduced us all to the crowd and then Mark and Christy played/sang a couple songs. Very cute. Steve spoke about love. Doing everything we do in love. At the very end, Nego said, "Pastor Ryan, will you close us in prayer?" I was really caught off-guard, but honored to pray.
Honestly, the whole day was pretty hum-drum. Got up to the orphanage pretty early and spent the whole day there until 3:30pm. Jehmley was a peach (sarcastic) almost all day. Just crying and screaming.
That kid has a scream that equals his smile. The whole day I just kind of hung-out with hte kids and helped with the wall when I could. They actually got all the footings and almost all the rebar up. I think the construction guys feel really successful. And they should. I also presented the kids with the school supplies that Anna's preschool class sent with me. That was nice.
At one point I showed some of the kids pictures of my family on my iPod. When Julie popped up, Kangine sighed, "Oh, belle!" That means pretty. It was adorable. And of course, I agreed. Kangine is Pastor Millen's daughter and she is one of my favorites. Beautiful girl, funny and super shy. But shy in a funny way. She thinks it's funny to say my name (and Chris) and then act like she didn't when I respond. Dork.
(I also wrote a letter to Julie, but that's private. Sorry...but, not really.)
Chris Martin (Coldplay) is playing piano while Beyonce sings, "Haiti, I can see your halo..." and I'm overwhelmed with emotion. It's so corny, but they're doing what they can to help. They're playing clips from the first days after the earthquake...and I have to turn it off. I'm actually shaking. I thought I had distanced myself from these feelings, but clearly they're still beneath the surface.
This fundraiser is being broadcast on over 25 networks and millions upon millions of people all over the world are watching and giving. And thinking about Haiti. It's kind of blowing my mind. But it leads to something else I was thinking about early today.
I wonder how aware the Haitians are that the world is watching them? And concerned for them? And helping them? And loving them? They're trying to survive and we're watching Sting and Questlove perform to raise money for them. They're trying to find drinkable water and we're watching Justin Timberlake and some other dude (who's friggin' awesome, by the way) sing Hallelujah. They're trying to find medicine and we're watching Steven Spielberg take donations from a lady, asking her how she feels about the situation. It's mind-boggling. Surreal.
I'm so glad to see people from all walks of life doing whatever they can to help. To see celebrities using their status, their fame for good. It's a little weird, but...whatever it takes.
I just hope the people of Haiti can sense the love that the world has for them at this time. And I hope that love doesn't fade.
Another day at the orphanage. Breakfast gave us a late start this morning...again. Plus, the generator didn't work, which meant no water or electricity. No shower. No lights. No problem.
The weather was actually pretty nice. Started out sunny, then got overcast and rained pretty hard a couple times. Not enough to stop anything we were doing, though. They really made amazing progress on the footings for the wall. Got three sections done, I think. I helped a little, but not much. Mostly I was with the kids.
Jehmley likes me. He quiets down from crying when I come and wails when I put him down. Madame says he's three! He's so tiny. They all are. Baby Smith is so skinny, I literally thought his legs were going to break when Kaline was pulling on them while he was on the swing. She's a trouble maker. She stole my pen and I had to steal it back. Weslai, Jean Paul, and Joclyn are some of my favorites, too. Older boys, fantastic laughs, a bit of trouble-maker in 'em... I showed Weslai a picture of our family and said all their names and he repeated, "Sam." I can't wait to connect them. (That last statement tears at me now)
We had a great meal cooked by Madame Millien. Chicken, fries, some bread-thing, potato salad-ish, and a Sprite. They made us eat before the kids, which was weird and hard, but whatever. I guess we just do what they say. It was really good. ... The Sea, Again: Give Up The Ring!
After the day at the orphanage, some of us went back to the sea. Me, Cecil and his mom, Emily, Nick and Sahlman. I can't believe everybody else stayed back at the hotel.
It was beautiful again. Nice and cool, but not too cool. We body surfed in the waves, which were bigger this time. And the sunset was gorgeous.
I also trolled the beach for my ring. I prayed. "God, I believe in miracles." I promised that if He washed it up on shore, I'd sit there and cry for an hour. Sadly, it didn't turn up. But, I got some smooth stones for my family.
After the beach we ate at Sesanete since we thought our power was still out. I had a cheeseburger and fries and it was dee-lish.
After we ate, Sahlman took me to his place. I feel honored to be the first to see it. (Ended up that I was the ONLY one to see it) It was a short block and a half from the restaurant, but the alley was dark. I can't believe he's staying on his own. Amazing.
When we got to the gate, he had a hard time with the lock and it was pitch black and this dog JUMPS up and scares the crap out of us. It was hilarious.
Well, I'll probably watch some "500 Days of Summer" on my iPod again. And think about Julie. And cry. I hope she likes it as much as me. (She hadn't seen it yet)
Our intention was to start the wall today, so after our breakfast (eggs for me again), the guys went out to buy supplies.
This was how it was supposed to work:
8am - guys buy supplies and go to orphanage to start building 10am - girls get picked up and brought to orphanage 4pm - leave, eat, change 5:30pm - crusade
What actually happened:
8am - guys buy supplies, it takes over 2 hours 11am-ish - go back to hotel to get girls, all go to orphanage together, but stop to get shovels ? - get to orphanage, play with kids, move swingset, go home at 4:30pm, swim, nap, eat No crusade because the stage isn't built, so we go to Texaco and use the internet Whatever time it is now - journal
Awesome.
It was so hot today. And it was long. I got sunburned and sweat through everything. Everyone did. Jeff especially. He wore a bandana and has a white line across his forehead. It's fantastic.
I'm a little overwhelmed with how much I want to write, so when I get that way from now on, I'm just going to do "quick hits" to jog my memory later.
I'm learning more of the kids' names and faces. Jean Paul, Joclyn, Jehmley, Weslai, Samantha, Kaylene and Kaylin, Allickson, Roly, Ochen...it's great.
Joclyn wanted my watch today and was so mad when Mandy told him no. I ended up giving it to him...and he gave it back later! That was unexpected.
Swimming when we got back to the hotel was fun. Steve won the contest for holding your breath and swimming the most lengths of the pool. Of course. He beat Harvey, Ole and Nick...handily.
Dinner was spaghetti. Yum.
Went to Texaco and used the internet. Julie wrote back before I left! Loved it. Realized I was done using the internet after about five minutes, though. Weird.
Only regret for the day? That I didn't buy a Snickers at the Texaco.
I wanted to take a second to answer this question: Why are you posting all this?
There are a couple reasons, really. First of all, I like to write. And let's be honest, writers like to be read. If I didn't want people to read what I'm writing, I'd keep it in my notebook and put it under my pillow. Which, by the way, is uncomfortable.
Whether it's just my wife, friends and family or people I've never met, I'm happy to share my experience with anybody that's interested. So, whoever you are...thank you for being interested.
Once the earthquake hit, a whole new slew of reasons to write presented themselves. It's been really important for me and my friends who went on the trip to relive it through my journal. For many of us, once the news broke of the quake, our trip became a distant memory. It's been therapeutic to go through my journal and remember all the amazing times we had together. Even while we're grieving and concerned, we have to remember those ten days.
Also, any attention I can bring to Faith Orphanage is good. They need all the help they can get and anything I can do to get the word out, I'll do. It feels strange to be interviewed by the papers and to post stuff on the internet, but if it gets people involved...I'm in.
So, thank you for reading and for understanding. And please, please, if you can...donate to a worthy cause. www.thejourneycommunity.com
First of all, an update on the ring situation. I ended up telling Julie about it on the drive to her sister's house after I got home. She was upset that I didn't tell her when it happened, but understood why I didn't. It was sad, but we've moved on and are excited to get the next installment.
The Beach: Part Deux
We swam a while before the kids arrived. One thing I forgot to mention before was how salty the water was. The first time it got in my mouth, my face scrunched up. I forgot it was salt water!
We were actually still looking for my ring when the kids arrived. I thanked the guys for looking, but said it was time to turn our attention to the kids. It was my own stupid fault anyway.
There were 32 kids that came to the beach. "Babies" to older teens, maybe 20s. Steve's girl, Kaylene, came in with him and was having a blast. I think she has one of the most beautiful faces I have ever seen. Period. Her sister is hilarious. Many of the kids came in even though it was "cold." One little guy rode on my back for a long time and wanted me to help him swim. Then we'd fount to five in French and go under together.
By the end, many of them were shivering and tired. And it was pouring rain the last half hour or so.
In the Caribbean Sea, pouring rain, surrounded by palm trees, mountains and smiling Haitian orphans...c'mon.
Loading up was the saddest part. ALL of the orphanage piled into the back of a small pick-up. 30-some children. A lot of them were smiling, but some of the smaller ones were crying and they were all wet and shivering. Even now, hours later, it's still raining.
Our ride home was quite the adventure, too. All 15 of us standing in the back of a pick-up truck, driving through the pouring rain. All the culverts were overflowing. But, it was really fun! We also picked up an old lady that needed a ride into town, which was funny.
A great first day at the beach. ... Now we're back in the hotel, waiting for dinner. Goat for me tonight. Can't wait. It's still raining, which is a bummer. I hope it stops. The electricity just came back on, too, which is good. Still haven't talked to Julie, but hopefully I can try again tonight. I miss her like crazy. Distance, fondness, etc. ... Quick thoughts:
The Packers won today. 33-7 or something. Wish I could have seen it. And I can't believe we'll miss the first round of the playoffs! Bah!
Jimly? Jemly? I think it's Jemly.
Dinner was good. The goat was tasty. I'm still not eating the salad or coleslaw. Nick keeps eating everyone's leftovers, especially the plantains.
There are lizards all over. I love it! And we saw a huge frog outside our room tonight. Very cool.
While we were out in the sea, Ole brought out a football and we tossed it around. I didn't throw it hard, though, because I didn't want my wedding ring to come off.
See, Julie and I had even talked about it before I left. She has a ring that looks similar to mine and she wanted me to wear that one and leave mine at home. I refused. I didn't want HER ring, I wanted MINE.
So, there I was, ring on my finger, throwing the ball to Mark and...zip! I felt it slide off my finger, saw it in the air and then it hit the water with a bloop. I swore and then immediately apologized. I dove in after it, but had that sinking feeling; no pun intended. I knew it was gone right away. I still hoped we'd find it, though. Six of us searched hard, but to no avail. The current was strong and every step agitated the silt. It disappeared, swallowed by the sea.
You won this time, sea. You beat me.
(At this point, I wrote a letter of apology to my wife)
And a poem.
Ring
Your beginnings were humble Your end was romantic Your life was full
Frugally, we chose you You weren't offended You didn't complain
You were polished and branded "You amaze me" inside Shiney and new
Your big day came and She slipped you onto my finger You sealed our commitment
You went with us to Europe You were there when our first was born And our second and our third
You were flipped and spun And flung, but you never left You faithfully stayed
Then the day came when You decided it was time Time to move on
It was eerie, it was like It was destined to happen I refused to leave you safely at home
Then, standing in the sea I made one mistake and off you came Diving into the waves
I knew when you disappeared That you were gone forever Sucked away from me for good
I prayed for a miracle, for you To come back to me somehow But you didn't return
Thank you for your faithful service For your companionship For nine of the best years of my life
We were supposed to get breakfast at 7am and leave for church at 8:30am. At this time (well past 8:30am), we are still waiting for breakfast. Apparently there was a "miscommunication" and they thought we didn't want breakfast, so Mandy had to haggle with them. We'll get to church late, I guess.
Our water didn't work last night, but it was fixed this morning for our cold shower. To be expected. Nick and I spoke for a long time last night. It was awesome. He's such a cool guy. I'm super pumped for him and Kate (his fiance).
Sleep was actually good for the most part. The earplugs were essential as there was a LOUD beach party outside. It only woke me once, though.
I'm going for a walk with Mark and Christy now...
(Later)
Ended up going on a walk with Steve and Nick. Just the couple blocks around our hotel. It's a nicer area, but still totally run-down.
A man ended up walking with us and he showed us a few things. He said he was born in Jacmel and has lived here his whole life. He showed us a little "art studio" where they were painting and making paper machet sculptures. Carnival is coming up, so there are these HUGE masks they are making in preparation. We also saw an art gallery with some gorgeous paintings. Such vibrant colors. I'm going to get one to take home. ... It ended up that our breakfast was so late, we missed church. I'm kind of sad about it, but not really. We're going to have church here, together, at 10:45am. Hopefully Julie is well enough at home to lead today and hopefully it goes really well.
We're supposed to take the kids to the beach today, but it's overcast and rainy. Hopefully it'll pass, though. The kids are super excited about it. As am I. ... The Beach
After we finally ate breakfast and had a little church upstairs, we headed to the beach. On the way, we stopped to get supplies for lunch. PB&J and some cookies and juice. At the tiny store they had mouthwash for $20. How would a Haitian buy that?? Answer: They wouldn't. Just tourists.
So, we got to the beach, all of us in the back of a small pick-up truck. It was cool. A little sunny and it was warm enough. The rain subsided for a while, too.
The beach was littered with trash somewhat, but the water was amazing. Cool, not cold, and clear. Steve and I went out a ways and I just stood there, taking it all in. Looking out, seeing the waves as far as I could see. The palm trees on the beach and the mountains surrounding us. Who ever would have thought I'd be in the Caribbean Sea??
This morning was really important. Those of us that went on the trip were able to share our experiences with our church, The Journey. We remembered the good things from the trip, then shared our reactions to the news of the quake and our ideas of what comes next. Each person shared and it was really powerful. I was able to put together a short slide show with pictures and videos and kind of recap our trip, which was fun.
Our church community is amazing. So much support and encouragement. I think we're starting to become very hopeful. We believe God is at work in Haiti and we're excited to see what He's up to and curious to see how we can be a part of it. We're trying to raise $25k to rebuild the orphanage and I believe we got a good start on that today. Thank you to everyone that gives/gave! (www.thejourneycommunity.com) It's so nice to be able to give people a way to get personally involved. Seriously, we're going to have multiple trips planned this year and you could go help rebuild, literally! That's exciting.
Healing is happening. Hope is happening. Happiness is starting to happen.
(**Disclaimer – it was weird typing this out and re-living the beginning of the trip. They are good memories, though, and I need to share them. And don't worry, today's post will be the longest, so don't be scared off.**)
New Year's Day, we went over to the Grace's in the morning to pack the team bags and then went to Chicago to fly out of O'Hare. We flew to Fort Lauderdale and spent the night. Cecil, Sahlman, Nick and I went to Mike's SportsZone next door and watched some football and enjoyed some American food for the last time before getting to Haiti.
Early on the 2nd, we headed to the airport and our flight took off around 8:30am with no problems. Well, almost no problems:
The flight to Haiti was actually smoother than the flight to Florida. That one had some white-knuckle turbulence. Not fun. Unless you like falling all over the sky...freak.
Once we arrived in Haiti, it was a whole new world. As we exited the flight, a band played and welcomed us.
The baggage claim area was huge and all the bags were scattered. Then, as we left, the vultures struck. These men try to help you with your bags, very aggressively, so you have to pay them. At one point, I wanted to take video of the chaos so I let go of my suitcase and grabbed my camera. I swear to you, within a second three guys came at me, eyes fixed on my bag. I pocketed my camera in a flash, grabbed the handle of my suitcase, and said, “No! I'm fine! I got it!” One guy even grabbed the handle and walked with me while I went toward the truck and finally let go after it was clear I wasn't letting go.
We loaded up the back of a pick-up truck with the luggage and then piled into an old eleven-passenger van. 12 of us. The rest of the guys actually rode on the top of the luggage. Don't tell the wives.
We stopped at a gas station to eat. They had a plethora of choices: chicken sandwich, with or without cheese. It was actually fine, but it had lettuce and tomatoes on it, so of course I was paranoid. It tasted fine and I experienced no nasty side-effects.
The Ride
I know this won't do it justice, but I want to get some thoughts down about the ride from Port au Prince to Jacmel. I might as well have had a three-hour ride on the moon. Shocking.
Going through Port au Prince was...confusing. Surreal. There are no discernible traffic laws, so it all went so fast. Almost all the cars are old and beat up. Windshields are all spidered with cracks. They're representative of everything here: In a state of disrepair. Everything is crumbling. Broken. Dirty. The streets and alleys are filled with sewage and garbage. It stinks. The buildings are all shells of their former selves. Sprawling homes, now empty, their insides laid bare for everyone to see. Sometimes clothes were draped over the walls. A cobbled together wooden ladder lays precariously, propped up from one floor to another. People actually live here.
The Presidential Palace stuck out like a sore thumb. Bright white, regal, solid...just seemed out of place. (And is now the most striking image of the quake for me)
They live in these places.
Millions of people. They were all walking around, clad in bright colored clothes and hats. They look normal. Just living life. Wearing earbuds, stepping over trash. Smiling while pigs roll around in filth on the corner.
I don't get it. These people live here. Millions of people who live in this disgusting, dirty, dangerous city. Are the happy? Do they know that this isn't normal? Of course not. It IS normal to them. I'm sure it will take a while to process this. Then, after the city, we headed up and through the mountains...
An hour-and-a-half of white-knuckled excitement. I knew it was going to be crazy, but it was even more so than I could have expected. I actually handled it really well. I had prepared myself that this is how they drive and I just need to trust that they'll get us there. And they did. My theory was actually this: The driver wants to live as much as I do. While this may not actually be true, or so it seemed, it was still comforting.
The terrain was incredible. Very twisty and steep. Neither condition caused our driver to slow down, though. We all held on tightly and prayed every time we rounded a corner, hoping nobody was coming in the other direction. At one point, we saw what we feared. We rounded a corner and there was an overturned van and people milling about. From what we could tell, everyone was ok, but it still scared to snot out of us.
We finally made it to the hotel and breathed a sigh of relief. Heaven would not have us this day.
The hotel is beautiful. It's old and also in disrepair, but it's right on the beach. I can hear the waves crashing as I write this. I told Steve and Nick that this place must have been “something else” in its hey-day. A spectacle. Everything is open, a nice pool ocean-side, surrounded by mountains, big stain-glass windows. (This is hilarious to read now...hopefully I get into what the hotel was REALLY like at some point!) We settled into our rooms and then...we went to the orphanage.
The Orphanage
We took two trips, standing in the bed of a pick-up. It was about a 20-minute drive to the orphanage. When we got there, the kids ran to us. Most of them are very affectionate. I remember some of their names: Ochen, Jean Paul, Wesley, Kaylene...but the one with the unforgettable smile...I can't remember his name. I'll find out again tomorrow.
The kids are funny and seem happy. I played with Ochen and helped the one with the smile for a while. The older boys played with me and Nick and were joking and laughing. They kept saying “belle” (beautiful) and pointing at the girls and laughing. Some of the boys were picking on another boy for being so thin, “like a skeleton.” A little ironic, I thought. Nick was doing a great job of protecting him, though.
The place itself is interesting. They say it's better than it was. Pretty primitive.
Some other thoughts about the first trip to the orphanage:
“Photo!” All the kids love taking pictures. They were asking everyone with cameras if they could use them. They are also curious about my arm. It's weird not being able to tell them I was born that way. They go to the bathroom wherever. The little kids at least. They don't wear pants if they aren't potty-trained because the logistics of washing all those clothes is ridiculous.
I called Julie three times today. Voicemail every time. I hope she's ok. I miss her. I miss the kids. I hope they're well. And being good.
What is this trip going to do to me? I'm still not sure.
One of the most difficult aspects of this whole situation is that once the quake hit, our trip to Haiti became a distant memory. It feels like two completely separate experiences. And what's sad about that is that our trip was fantastic.
I think it's really important that we remember that. And that it's ok to think of it fondly. It's ok to smile and to laugh and tell the funny stories we remember from those ten days. In fact, I think it would be a shame not to.
So, in honor of my trip to Haiti, I'm going to start putting up the journal I kept while there. I wrote over 50 pages, so I'll put a little bit up each day, interspersed between my daily thoughts as the current situation continues to unfold.
Again, thank you for being interested and for allowing me to process all this. It means a lot. Ryan
First day back at work today. At least it made for a short work-week.
I left really early to get a latte before our 7am meeting. I was gearing up to take the opportunity to stand in front of our whole department and tell them about my experience in Haiti and what's going on now. Figured it would be better to do that, that way everybody would know at once and I wouldn't have to repeat myself all day.
When they called me up, everybody started to clap. I just stood there, my back to the crowd, and then started sobbing. The director of the department gently asked if I wanted to try again later on and I said yes. I walked back and gathered myself as best I could. Then, later, I gave it another shot and was able to get the message out, breaking down a couple times.
The response was overwhelming. People want to help. And they are so encouraging. Co-workers gave me hugs and told me to remember that what I did was helpful, not useless. I'm here for a reason. I'm so grateful to work with such caring people.
Later in the day, Julie and I had a hilarious conversation. We wanted to get a movie to watch tonight, so I was looking at RedBox and settled on either "Paper Heart" or "Extract." When I called her on my break she mentioned getting a movie for the kids and when I asked her if she got something for us she said, "Yeah. I got one called...Paper Heart." "SHUT UP," I yelled. "Seriously, that's the one I wrote down! That and Extract." Then it was her turn. "LIAR!" she yelled back. "I stood in front of Extract for 10 minutes HOLDING Paper Heart!" We laughed for like five minutes.
It felt so good to laugh together. To smile, genuinely.
I'm still exhausted, mentally, and crying at the drop of a hat, but I can sense things getting back to normal. Somewhat. I think that's good.
**Also, if you're interested in donating to help rebuild the orphanage we worked with, please visit www.thejourneycommunity.com and click on "Haiti Relief." We setup a PayPal account so you can give online now! Thanks!**
I had planned on going back to work today, but I was in no condition to return and took the day to gather my thoughts and get a lot of work done. It was a very good and necessary day.
All in all, I spent more than two hours speaking with three different newspapers about our experience. I'm starting to forget what things I've told to different people. I had to ask if I was repeating myself a number of times. It was tiring, but good to talk through and I'm excited to bring attention to Faith Orphanage and give people a way to help.
I've also come to terms, for the time being, with how I'm choosing to feel. Julie is really struggling with all this and having a hard time knowing how to feel and what to do. This is what I've concluded: I'm here. I'm not there. As much as I'd like to be, I'm not. I have to be ok with that. Julie and the kids are my number one priority. If you think about it, the whole thing is miraculous as far as our situation is concerned. We got back safely and the kids are all safe and Chris is there to help and keep us updated. Amazing. So, we're going to press on with our lives, thankful we have each other, while grieving and doing all we can to help our friends in Haiti.
The situation will be changing day after day, hour after hour, so this process is going to take quite some time to work through. But, I believe good people are hard at work and that our prayers are powerful and effective.
My daughter is requesting that I play the role of "Daddy kitty" now, so I'm going to go enjoy being with her and Sam and Claire. Now is a time for playing before bed. Much needed.
First of all, thank you. Thank you to everyone that has called, emailed, chatted, etc. to make sure I'm ok. Thank you for praying for my safety. I can't begin to express the full extent of my gratitude.
I just wanted to take a couple minutes to let you know what's going on. My mind is still swimming and it will take some time to process all of this, I'm sure. Thankfully, I have an amazing wife that has ridden this roller-coaster of emotion with me.
As you know by now, yesterday evening Haiti was hit by a 7.0 earthquake and has since experienced over 30 aftershocks, many of them reaching 5.0. Most of the capitol city of Port au Prince has been destroyed. My first thought was that 100s of thousands of people are dead. We'll see if that ends up being the case. The loss of life will be staggering.
We got to Jacmel on Jan 2nd and while there, we worked with Faith Orphanage. We had a great time with all 32 kids and were able to build ¾ of a new protective wall out of bricks and mortar. We left around 5:30pm on Jan 11th. Less than 24 hours later, the quake hit.
So far we have been able to confirm that our friend Chris (who stayed there and will be there for the next year) is ok and he was able to get to the orphanage yesterday. Thankfully, all 32 kids are safe and unhurt. The building itself and the wall we built have collapsed. They are currently sleeping outside and there is no gas or power available at this time.
We're not exactly sure what's next. It's incredibly frustrating. They will have to rebuild, but how that will actually happen is unknown at this time.
I must say, it has been exciting to see the global response to this disaster. The people of Haiti are going to get a lot of needed help from everywhere. To see President Obama call the Haitians “our neighbors” and tell them we are going to help swiftly and aggressively...I cried. I've cried a lot the last couple days. And will for many more, I'm sure.
What's really difficult right now is...feeling selfish. I'm so grateful to be home safely with my wife and family. But, I feel guilty for feeling that way. Like, I feel useless not being able to be there. And it's weird to be so connected to it, while those around me are not. I don't blame them and I'm not mad at them at all, it's just an odd feeling. I was sitting there at the hotel in Chicago watching the TV in the bar and crying, while the guys next to me were calling Lane Kiffin a d*** for leaving Tennessee to go to USC. I wasn't mad, just...it's just strange.
And seeing all the footage on TV is surreal. And disturbing. I just drove through Port on Monday. We went right past the Presidential Palace. It was gorgeous. Stately. Solid. And now...it's decimated. The buildings were all already in a state of disrepair, so all I could see in my mind was devastation. And then to see what was in my mind there on the screen, in real life...it's too much.
I came back with a lot of questions about Haiti as a nation and that curiosity has only been heightened. Haiti holds a special place in my heart now and always will.
Hopefully you got a sense of how I'm feeling and what's going on. I wrote over 50 pages in my journal and will post things regularly over the coming weeks. Thank you for being interested.
Please think about how you can get involved in the relief efforts. There are so many different ways to donate, but I want to encourage you to go to www.thejourneycommunity.com and donate there as all that money will go directly to the orphanage we were just at.
Pray, love, cry...not necessarily in that order, Ryan
