We were supposed to get breakfast at 7am and leave for church at 8:30am. At this time (well past 8:30am), we are still waiting for breakfast. Apparently there was a "miscommunication" and they thought we didn't want breakfast, so Mandy had to haggle with them. We'll get to church late, I guess.
Our water didn't work last night, but it was fixed this morning for our cold shower. To be expected. Nick and I spoke for a long time last night. It was awesome. He's such a cool guy. I'm super pumped for him and Kate (his fiance).
Sleep was actually good for the most part. The earplugs were essential as there was a LOUD beach party outside. It only woke me once, though.
I'm going for a walk with Mark and Christy now...
(Later)
Ended up going on a walk with Steve and Nick. Just the couple blocks around our hotel. It's a nicer area, but still totally run-down.
A man ended up walking with us and he showed us a few things. He said he was born in Jacmel and has lived here his whole life. He showed us a little "art studio" where they were painting and making paper machet sculptures. Carnival is coming up, so there are these HUGE masks they are making in preparation. We also saw an art gallery with some gorgeous paintings. Such vibrant colors. I'm going to get one to take home. ... It ended up that our breakfast was so late, we missed church. I'm kind of sad about it, but not really. We're going to have church here, together, at 10:45am. Hopefully Julie is well enough at home to lead today and hopefully it goes really well.
We're supposed to take the kids to the beach today, but it's overcast and rainy. Hopefully it'll pass, though. The kids are super excited about it. As am I. ... The Beach
After we finally ate breakfast and had a little church upstairs, we headed to the beach. On the way, we stopped to get supplies for lunch. PB&J and some cookies and juice. At the tiny store they had mouthwash for $20. How would a Haitian buy that?? Answer: They wouldn't. Just tourists.
So, we got to the beach, all of us in the back of a small pick-up truck. It was cool. A little sunny and it was warm enough. The rain subsided for a while, too.
The beach was littered with trash somewhat, but the water was amazing. Cool, not cold, and clear. Steve and I went out a ways and I just stood there, taking it all in. Looking out, seeing the waves as far as I could see. The palm trees on the beach and the mountains surrounding us. Who ever would have thought I'd be in the Caribbean Sea??
This morning was really important. Those of us that went on the trip were able to share our experiences with our church, The Journey. We remembered the good things from the trip, then shared our reactions to the news of the quake and our ideas of what comes next. Each person shared and it was really powerful. I was able to put together a short slide show with pictures and videos and kind of recap our trip, which was fun.
Our church community is amazing. So much support and encouragement. I think we're starting to become very hopeful. We believe God is at work in Haiti and we're excited to see what He's up to and curious to see how we can be a part of it. We're trying to raise $25k to rebuild the orphanage and I believe we got a good start on that today. Thank you to everyone that gives/gave! (www.thejourneycommunity.com) It's so nice to be able to give people a way to get personally involved. Seriously, we're going to have multiple trips planned this year and you could go help rebuild, literally! That's exciting.
Healing is happening. Hope is happening. Happiness is starting to happen.
(**Disclaimer – it was weird typing this out and re-living the beginning of the trip. They are good memories, though, and I need to share them. And don't worry, today's post will be the longest, so don't be scared off.**)
New Year's Day, we went over to the Grace's in the morning to pack the team bags and then went to Chicago to fly out of O'Hare. We flew to Fort Lauderdale and spent the night. Cecil, Sahlman, Nick and I went to Mike's SportsZone next door and watched some football and enjoyed some American food for the last time before getting to Haiti.
Early on the 2nd, we headed to the airport and our flight took off around 8:30am with no problems. Well, almost no problems:
The flight to Haiti was actually smoother than the flight to Florida. That one had some white-knuckle turbulence. Not fun. Unless you like falling all over the sky...freak.
Once we arrived in Haiti, it was a whole new world. As we exited the flight, a band played and welcomed us.
The baggage claim area was huge and all the bags were scattered. Then, as we left, the vultures struck. These men try to help you with your bags, very aggressively, so you have to pay them. At one point, I wanted to take video of the chaos so I let go of my suitcase and grabbed my camera. I swear to you, within a second three guys came at me, eyes fixed on my bag. I pocketed my camera in a flash, grabbed the handle of my suitcase, and said, “No! I'm fine! I got it!” One guy even grabbed the handle and walked with me while I went toward the truck and finally let go after it was clear I wasn't letting go.
We loaded up the back of a pick-up truck with the luggage and then piled into an old eleven-passenger van. 12 of us. The rest of the guys actually rode on the top of the luggage. Don't tell the wives.
We stopped at a gas station to eat. They had a plethora of choices: chicken sandwich, with or without cheese. It was actually fine, but it had lettuce and tomatoes on it, so of course I was paranoid. It tasted fine and I experienced no nasty side-effects.
The Ride
I know this won't do it justice, but I want to get some thoughts down about the ride from Port au Prince to Jacmel. I might as well have had a three-hour ride on the moon. Shocking.
Going through Port au Prince was...confusing. Surreal. There are no discernible traffic laws, so it all went so fast. Almost all the cars are old and beat up. Windshields are all spidered with cracks. They're representative of everything here: In a state of disrepair. Everything is crumbling. Broken. Dirty. The streets and alleys are filled with sewage and garbage. It stinks. The buildings are all shells of their former selves. Sprawling homes, now empty, their insides laid bare for everyone to see. Sometimes clothes were draped over the walls. A cobbled together wooden ladder lays precariously, propped up from one floor to another. People actually live here.
The Presidential Palace stuck out like a sore thumb. Bright white, regal, solid...just seemed out of place. (And is now the most striking image of the quake for me)
They live in these places.
Millions of people. They were all walking around, clad in bright colored clothes and hats. They look normal. Just living life. Wearing earbuds, stepping over trash. Smiling while pigs roll around in filth on the corner.
I don't get it. These people live here. Millions of people who live in this disgusting, dirty, dangerous city. Are the happy? Do they know that this isn't normal? Of course not. It IS normal to them. I'm sure it will take a while to process this. Then, after the city, we headed up and through the mountains...
An hour-and-a-half of white-knuckled excitement. I knew it was going to be crazy, but it was even more so than I could have expected. I actually handled it really well. I had prepared myself that this is how they drive and I just need to trust that they'll get us there. And they did. My theory was actually this: The driver wants to live as much as I do. While this may not actually be true, or so it seemed, it was still comforting.
The terrain was incredible. Very twisty and steep. Neither condition caused our driver to slow down, though. We all held on tightly and prayed every time we rounded a corner, hoping nobody was coming in the other direction. At one point, we saw what we feared. We rounded a corner and there was an overturned van and people milling about. From what we could tell, everyone was ok, but it still scared to snot out of us.
We finally made it to the hotel and breathed a sigh of relief. Heaven would not have us this day.
The hotel is beautiful. It's old and also in disrepair, but it's right on the beach. I can hear the waves crashing as I write this. I told Steve and Nick that this place must have been “something else” in its hey-day. A spectacle. Everything is open, a nice pool ocean-side, surrounded by mountains, big stain-glass windows. (This is hilarious to read now...hopefully I get into what the hotel was REALLY like at some point!) We settled into our rooms and then...we went to the orphanage.
The Orphanage
We took two trips, standing in the bed of a pick-up. It was about a 20-minute drive to the orphanage. When we got there, the kids ran to us. Most of them are very affectionate. I remember some of their names: Ochen, Jean Paul, Wesley, Kaylene...but the one with the unforgettable smile...I can't remember his name. I'll find out again tomorrow.
The kids are funny and seem happy. I played with Ochen and helped the one with the smile for a while. The older boys played with me and Nick and were joking and laughing. They kept saying “belle” (beautiful) and pointing at the girls and laughing. Some of the boys were picking on another boy for being so thin, “like a skeleton.” A little ironic, I thought. Nick was doing a great job of protecting him, though.
The place itself is interesting. They say it's better than it was. Pretty primitive.
Some other thoughts about the first trip to the orphanage:
“Photo!” All the kids love taking pictures. They were asking everyone with cameras if they could use them. They are also curious about my arm. It's weird not being able to tell them I was born that way. They go to the bathroom wherever. The little kids at least. They don't wear pants if they aren't potty-trained because the logistics of washing all those clothes is ridiculous.
I called Julie three times today. Voicemail every time. I hope she's ok. I miss her. I miss the kids. I hope they're well. And being good.
What is this trip going to do to me? I'm still not sure.
One of the most difficult aspects of this whole situation is that once the quake hit, our trip to Haiti became a distant memory. It feels like two completely separate experiences. And what's sad about that is that our trip was fantastic.
I think it's really important that we remember that. And that it's ok to think of it fondly. It's ok to smile and to laugh and tell the funny stories we remember from those ten days. In fact, I think it would be a shame not to.
So, in honor of my trip to Haiti, I'm going to start putting up the journal I kept while there. I wrote over 50 pages, so I'll put a little bit up each day, interspersed between my daily thoughts as the current situation continues to unfold.
Again, thank you for being interested and for allowing me to process all this. It means a lot. Ryan
First day back at work today. At least it made for a short work-week.
I left really early to get a latte before our 7am meeting. I was gearing up to take the opportunity to stand in front of our whole department and tell them about my experience in Haiti and what's going on now. Figured it would be better to do that, that way everybody would know at once and I wouldn't have to repeat myself all day.
When they called me up, everybody started to clap. I just stood there, my back to the crowd, and then started sobbing. The director of the department gently asked if I wanted to try again later on and I said yes. I walked back and gathered myself as best I could. Then, later, I gave it another shot and was able to get the message out, breaking down a couple times.
The response was overwhelming. People want to help. And they are so encouraging. Co-workers gave me hugs and told me to remember that what I did was helpful, not useless. I'm here for a reason. I'm so grateful to work with such caring people.
Later in the day, Julie and I had a hilarious conversation. We wanted to get a movie to watch tonight, so I was looking at RedBox and settled on either "Paper Heart" or "Extract." When I called her on my break she mentioned getting a movie for the kids and when I asked her if she got something for us she said, "Yeah. I got one called...Paper Heart." "SHUT UP," I yelled. "Seriously, that's the one I wrote down! That and Extract." Then it was her turn. "LIAR!" she yelled back. "I stood in front of Extract for 10 minutes HOLDING Paper Heart!" We laughed for like five minutes.
It felt so good to laugh together. To smile, genuinely.
I'm still exhausted, mentally, and crying at the drop of a hat, but I can sense things getting back to normal. Somewhat. I think that's good.
**Also, if you're interested in donating to help rebuild the orphanage we worked with, please visit www.thejourneycommunity.com and click on "Haiti Relief." We setup a PayPal account so you can give online now! Thanks!**
I had planned on going back to work today, but I was in no condition to return and took the day to gather my thoughts and get a lot of work done. It was a very good and necessary day.
All in all, I spent more than two hours speaking with three different newspapers about our experience. I'm starting to forget what things I've told to different people. I had to ask if I was repeating myself a number of times. It was tiring, but good to talk through and I'm excited to bring attention to Faith Orphanage and give people a way to help.
I've also come to terms, for the time being, with how I'm choosing to feel. Julie is really struggling with all this and having a hard time knowing how to feel and what to do. This is what I've concluded: I'm here. I'm not there. As much as I'd like to be, I'm not. I have to be ok with that. Julie and the kids are my number one priority. If you think about it, the whole thing is miraculous as far as our situation is concerned. We got back safely and the kids are all safe and Chris is there to help and keep us updated. Amazing. So, we're going to press on with our lives, thankful we have each other, while grieving and doing all we can to help our friends in Haiti.
The situation will be changing day after day, hour after hour, so this process is going to take quite some time to work through. But, I believe good people are hard at work and that our prayers are powerful and effective.
My daughter is requesting that I play the role of "Daddy kitty" now, so I'm going to go enjoy being with her and Sam and Claire. Now is a time for playing before bed. Much needed.
First of all, thank you. Thank you to everyone that has called, emailed, chatted, etc. to make sure I'm ok. Thank you for praying for my safety. I can't begin to express the full extent of my gratitude.
I just wanted to take a couple minutes to let you know what's going on. My mind is still swimming and it will take some time to process all of this, I'm sure. Thankfully, I have an amazing wife that has ridden this roller-coaster of emotion with me.
As you know by now, yesterday evening Haiti was hit by a 7.0 earthquake and has since experienced over 30 aftershocks, many of them reaching 5.0. Most of the capitol city of Port au Prince has been destroyed. My first thought was that 100s of thousands of people are dead. We'll see if that ends up being the case. The loss of life will be staggering.
We got to Jacmel on Jan 2nd and while there, we worked with Faith Orphanage. We had a great time with all 32 kids and were able to build ¾ of a new protective wall out of bricks and mortar. We left around 5:30pm on Jan 11th. Less than 24 hours later, the quake hit.
So far we have been able to confirm that our friend Chris (who stayed there and will be there for the next year) is ok and he was able to get to the orphanage yesterday. Thankfully, all 32 kids are safe and unhurt. The building itself and the wall we built have collapsed. They are currently sleeping outside and there is no gas or power available at this time.
We're not exactly sure what's next. It's incredibly frustrating. They will have to rebuild, but how that will actually happen is unknown at this time.
I must say, it has been exciting to see the global response to this disaster. The people of Haiti are going to get a lot of needed help from everywhere. To see President Obama call the Haitians “our neighbors” and tell them we are going to help swiftly and aggressively...I cried. I've cried a lot the last couple days. And will for many more, I'm sure.
What's really difficult right now is...feeling selfish. I'm so grateful to be home safely with my wife and family. But, I feel guilty for feeling that way. Like, I feel useless not being able to be there. And it's weird to be so connected to it, while those around me are not. I don't blame them and I'm not mad at them at all, it's just an odd feeling. I was sitting there at the hotel in Chicago watching the TV in the bar and crying, while the guys next to me were calling Lane Kiffin a d*** for leaving Tennessee to go to USC. I wasn't mad, just...it's just strange.
And seeing all the footage on TV is surreal. And disturbing. I just drove through Port on Monday. We went right past the Presidential Palace. It was gorgeous. Stately. Solid. And now...it's decimated. The buildings were all already in a state of disrepair, so all I could see in my mind was devastation. And then to see what was in my mind there on the screen, in real life...it's too much.
I came back with a lot of questions about Haiti as a nation and that curiosity has only been heightened. Haiti holds a special place in my heart now and always will.
Hopefully you got a sense of how I'm feeling and what's going on. I wrote over 50 pages in my journal and will post things regularly over the coming weeks. Thank you for being interested.
Please think about how you can get involved in the relief efforts. There are so many different ways to donate, but I want to encourage you to go to www.thejourneycommunity.com and donate there as all that money will go directly to the orphanage we were just at.
Pray, love, cry...not necessarily in that order, Ryan
